Are you facing abandonment by someone you love? Have fear and despair grabbed you by the throat and threatened to suffocate you? Is pain, not peace, flooding your soul today? If so, then friend, may I offer you hope?
I, too, was abandoned by two people close to me – as a child, by my mother, and as a middle-aged woman, by my first husband. While overwhelming at the time, by the grace of God, I survived these desperate times and grew through the pain. I did not allow my hardships to define me and learned these valuable lessons:
- God is with me. No matter where we go or what we go through, as a follower of Jesus Christ, God is always with us. He has promised over and over again in His Word to never forsake us. “Fear not, for I am with you.” Isaiah 41:10. God alone is the only one who will never disappoint us. Everyone else is human and will fail us, just as we will fail others in both big and small ways. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1.
- Control the one person you can – you. Remember that your thoughts and actions are your responsibility. You cannot control what others say, do or feel, but you can control yourself and the way you choose to respond. Stop the negative self-talk. Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. Ask yourself, “Would God say this about me?” If not, then that thought is from the Enemy, not from your Lord. Refuse to receive or dwell on it. Speak life not only to others, but to yourself as well.
- Don’t obsess and pursue. Efforts to keep someone from leaving who has resolved to leave you usually don’t work. At least, they didn’t for me. Crying, making promises and begging will only strengthen their determination to leave. Any control you think you have over that person is illusory. Instead, let go, and let God. Trust the One who has promised to never leave you or forsake you, to take care of you come what may.
- Your feelings are legitimate and need to be felt. Don’t deny or ignore them, but don’t put them in charge either. Do what is right, even when you don’t feel like it. You be the boss of you and let God have His way in your life, and in the life of the other person.
- Helping others helps you heal. When we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, and not on our circumstances, the lions that surround us in the current lions’ den of our life are rendered powerless. We find peace and joy and new confidence as we begin to look outside ourselves and focus on meeting the needs of others. Look for ways to bless someone else in the midst of your pain, and watch the healing begin.
Dear friend, your name is not Abandoned. “You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow….No longer will they call you Deserted…but you will be called Hephzibah – which means ‘my delight is in her’”. Isaiah 62:2, 4.
May you see hope in front of you as you look up to the God who delights in you, and who is with you today and always.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18.